NateCraig.com

TONIGHT! Hollywood Improv. 1030pm.

Posted by natecraig on Wednesday, February 8th, 2012 at 3:05 am No Comments »

FRONT PAGE MEDIA

Ringo Star has an album on the way. It’s going to be called “Ringo 2012″. Which is his name, and the number of copies it’s expected to sell.

Iran has Drone boats now. So if they aren’t allowed to be a nuclear power, they can always smuggle drugs in Nicaragua.

Oakland police locked up 400 protestors at an Occupy rally on Saturday until they ran out out of pepper spray and girls to arrest.

8 sea lions have been shot dead near Seattle. The sea lions are protected by the Marine Mammal Act, but the “I sleep on a boat next to a family of barking sea lions” defense, is recognized by anyone who’s ever heard those animals ruin a day by the ocean.

After bad press about manufacturing their products in China with cheap labor in poor conditions, Apple has developed an App for their customers that filters out any news that include the words “Apple”, and, “China”.

American’s have now spent $22 Million on the film “Joyful Noise” in it’s first 2 weeks. It stars Queen Latifa and a street vendor’s cartoon chalk drawing of Dolly Parton’s face. My hunch is that the film is benefiting from guilt over Newt Gengrich’s recent willingness to refer to Barack Obama as “The Food Stamp President”. Nothing heals racial divides like watching Queen Latifa bury Dolly Parton’s plastic corpse. It’s as close as we’ll come to reparations. BTW the fact that this movie is profitable means that Queen Latifa is officially more bankable than Deutch Marks.

The Salvation Army reported receiving a record $150 million in donations to their patented red buckets. The total dwarfed the amount collected by the Salvation Navy, who collects their charitable donations in the mouths of trained dolphins.

Homeland Security turned back a British man at LAX, over comments he made on twitter about “digging up Marilyn Monroe” and plans to “destroy America”. The tweets were taken seriously because security experts anticipate the next major terrorist attack will happen in 140 characters or less, and involve a dead movie star.

Doctors in Peru planned today to remove the remains of a partially formed twin fetus from the stomach of a 3-year-old boy. Psychologists in Peru are planning on studying the kid that ate his brother’s fetus.

70 tornadoes touched down nationwide in the month of January. It’s the 3rd highest total ever, and caused Michele Bachman to drop out of the presidential race so that she could focus on getting her dead sister’s slippers back.

Scientists have successfully used injections of skin cells to replenish brain cells. Confirming that you can in fact, think with your dick.

Posted by natecraig on Tuesday, January 31st, 2012 at 1:37 pm No Comments »

Ladies and Gentlemen…

Hollister Hetzel

Posted by natecraig on Thursday, January 26th, 2012 at 4:02 pm No Comments »

Have fun with this

“This final song is gonna be one that has made me pretty famous over the last few years”.

“Famous”.

Posted by natecraig on Thursday, January 26th, 2012 at 12:49 am No Comments »

What I’m thinking about right now.

2:13 AM Monday Jan 23rd

Everybody’s into this Downtown Abbey on PBS. That’s cool. I grew up with “Masterpiece Theater” chiming in weekly. My folks were loyal viewers. It’s nice to click a link on twitter now and hear the theme song again. I’m taken back to my childhood where I was taught that enjoying English period piece dramas was normal.

Also, I would not like to return punts in the NFL. What a difficult job. Another difficult job would be “Kicker”. But I’d do that in a heartbeat. Billy Cundiff had a rough day to day. But as soon as he leaves that Ravens locker room, he gets to shine up his golf clubs and live a standard of life unimagined by %99.99 of the people that’ve ever walked the face of the planet.

I’m gonna work at Treasure Island Casino in Redwing MN this Thursday, and I’m already fantasizing about the buffet. I hope it snows a ton this week, because I’m fixin to wreck that buffet like a grizzley bear trying to put on an extra hundred pounds til spring.

The governor of Wisconsin is a real piece of shit. Get this, he got kicked out of college for cheating, never got a degree, and now he’s certain that his plan to balance the states budget is so precise that it’s worth stripping people of the ability to bargain on behave of their own careers and families. Accomplishless morons get a whole bunch of play in this country.

I’m grateful.

“Don’t steal my stuff”.

I still think Pam Oliver is fine as hell.