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Brand New 1 Minute Therapy feat. Fi & June-Beans
strawberry lemonade
Posted by natecraig on Monday, May 7th, 2012 at 11:08 am No Comments »
Front Page Jokes – 5/1/12
Basketball star Metta World Peace was suspended for 7 games last week for elbowing another player in the head. As they say, ‘It’s not the size of the World Peace in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the World Peace.’
Bulls star point guard and MVP Derrick Rose tore his ACL in the team’s first playoff game, leaving one less team that Lebron James has to worry about choking against.
5 anarchists were arrested in a plot to blow up an interstate bridge near Cleveland. They didn’t realize that Congress is already making sure the bridge will collapse sometime in the next 5 years.
House Republicans, last week, voted to let interest rates on student loans double in July. Mitt Romney said that students should “borrow money from your parents”. Romney said he was referring to China, who he now calls “Mommy and Daddy” in an attempt to identify with young voters.
A 78 year-old woman named Caroline died last week. Then Neil Diamond married a 42 year-old woman named Katie. Half of that is true.
Charges were brought in the gulf oil spill disaster last week against an engineer that is said to have destroyed over 200 text messages describing the gushers actual size. He said he did destroy text messages about a gusher, but they had nothing to do with an oil spill.
Hit TV show “The Bachelor” will have it’s first African American contestant this season. Producers say that the move is meant to attract to the “Kardashian demographic”.
As the US Postal Service tries to avoid bankruptcy, 250 post offices might shut down next month. But raising the price of a stamp one penny, is considered too drastic. Apparently the USPS is run by a drug store soda-jerk from the 1920’s.
The Federal Trade Commission announced further plans to investigate Google for anti-trust violations. Google maintains they’ve violated no such laws and said, if they want to, the Trade Commission can “google it”.
The number of people emigrating from Mexico is going down. Many think its because of job opportunities have increased in Mexico, some think it’s because Mexicans have stolen the jobs of the people counting Mexicans.
Posted by natecraig on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012 at 1:42 am No Comments »
FRONT PAGE JOKES – 4/17/12
More storms ravaged the mid-west this weekend. Tornadoes were reported in Kansas, Nebraska and Oklahoma. A representative from the Lollipop Guild said that they weren’t sure if they had enough members to welcome all of the survivors.
The Pew Research Center found recently that %20 of adults in the US don’t use the internet at all. Which would probably change if any of them knew about the free laptop they’ve just won.
Salmonella in “spicy tuna” rolls caused an outbreak of food poisoning in 20 states last week. Now sushi joins Toyota on the list of Japanese products that people can’t hold back.
Tax day was this weekend. Or as Mitt Romney likes to call it, “hide and seek week.”
Attendance at baseball games has been good so far this season. Usually it means the economy is doing well, but analysts are cautious because it also means that people have plenty of free time on weekday afternoons.
Hall of Fame pass rusher and NFL analyst, Warren Sapp recently had to file for bankruptcy. Even in retirement he’s still blowing up pockets. Unfortunately, they’re his own. Warren, the only sacks banks take, are full of your money.
Coachella music festival is going on right now. Fans and the biggest names in the music industry come together at the festival to enjoy months of preparation by a couple dozen drug dealers.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged. Now no one has to worry about how hard it will be for their children to grow up in a broken home.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are officially engaged and their save the date magnet is really attractive.
A dozen US secret Service agents, in Colombia prior to President Obama’s visit, were sent home after one of them got into a dispute with a prostitute. The officer maintains he was only “securing the country from the inside”.
A guy named Bubba won the Masters and all is right with the world.
Posted by natecraig on Tuesday, April 17th, 2012 at 7:05 am No Comments »
1 Minute Therapy ep. 3
“HEWLETT PACKARD”
Posted by natecraig on Monday, April 16th, 2012 at 3:25 pm No Comments »
FRONT PAGE JOKES
The movie “Hunger Games” has brought in $250 million in ten days. Making it the first time people spent that much money to see kids get hurt since The Jackson 5’s ABC Tour.
Wrestlemania happened this weekend and millions of American’s were happily distracted from less popular events like adulthoodmania and rentmania.
A Seattle based company is marketing a bacon coffin. It costs just under $3,000, or you can get one in between 2 pieces of fried chicken at KFC for $2.99.
Burger King has reinvented itself. The fast food chain will soon sell smoothies and several new salads. The new items are aimed at Mom’s and anyone that likes their mango with grill stripes.
The NCAA men’s Basketball Championship game will pit Kansas vs Kentucky tonight, so even if the last time you watched college basketball was 1986, you still have a shot at winning your office pool.
The Army has developed bomb-proof underwear for troops to protect their private parts from bomb blasts and shrapnel. The Army warns that the underwear does not protect against sexually transmitted explosions like spring break and Alyssa Milano.
The Supreme Court heard arguments for and against President Obamas Health Care bill last week. The arguments for both sides were passionate, but the loudest things in the courtroom were the tea bags dangling from Clarence Thomas’ hat.
World famous banjo player Earl Scruggs died last week. Apparently god needed a couple city boys to squeal like a pig.
Some experts say the rate of autism has doubled in the last 5 years. Some say kids are just bored by the NFL’s helmet-to-helmet rules.
Posted by natecraig on Monday, April 2nd, 2012 at 3:51 pm No Comments »
1 minute therapy EP. 2
MARCH MADNESS!!!
Posted by natecraig on Sunday, March 25th, 2012 at 4:27 am No Comments »
FRONT PAGE JOKES
Starbucks is going to start selling a new line of energy drinks. They’re designed for people that love Starbucks coffee, but hate Starbucks coffee.
The Jets traded for Tim Tebow this week because they love his attitude and hate the passing game. In a related story the Jets also signed the drummer from Def Leppard.
To protest the killing of Trayvon Martin by a man who said he looked like “a threat”, demonstrators in Manhattan took part in a “million hoodie march” yesterday, and for a whole 3 hours, paranoid white people could relax on the subway.
The “Stand your ground law” in Florida is being questioned after a neighborhood watch captain shot a teenager he says made him feel threatened. Dick Cheney says that the law is necessary because you never know when a teenager could have a nuclear weapon.
A man who sued the secret service for arresting him after he told Dick Cheney his foreign policy was “disgusting” lost his case before the US supreme court this week. The Court said that the secret service has to protect the vice president from “sticks and stones and the constitution”.
Iran continues threats to close the Strait of Hormuz. Rick Santorum said that he was confused by the threats because he thought straight people was one thing he and Iran “agreed on”.
Saudi Arabia has decided to let women compete in the summer Olympics this year. So if your event is angering Allah, the competition just got a lot tougher. You might actually need to fry bacon naked.
Mike Tyson is putting up a one-man show in Las Vegas next month. He’s run out of money and can’t pay his therapist so he’s trying to kill two birds with one stone. That stone being 2,000 milligrams of lithium a day.
The unseasonably warm weather is setting off people’s allergies across the nation. Skeptics say that it’s just more global warming hype by our liberal controlled immune systems.
Hugh Hefner’s son was charged with domestic battery in an assault on his live-in playmate girlfriend. When asked for comment, his father said, “That’s no way to treat a playmate”, and offered the young woman a place to stay while she heals emotionally.
Posted by natecraig on Thursday, March 22nd, 2012 at 3:35 pm No Comments »
TONIGHT!
Posted by natecraig on Monday, March 19th, 2012 at 10:52 pm No Comments »
FRONT PAGE JOKES
A man in Florida is making his son spend spring break holding signs telling motorists about the F’s he got in school. Because they don’t make bumper stickers for proud parents of failures.
Louis CK dropped out of hosting the White House Correspondents dinner when Greta Van Susteren threatened to not come, making CK the first thing she’s moved since the stroke.
Every year at this time we celebrate two great traditions, March Madness and St. Patricks Day. One is where college kids spill their guts out with pride and spirit. And the other is a basketball tournament.
A substance known as “pink slime” is found in %70 of ground beef sold in America. It’s extra cow parts treated with ammonia. Not to be confused with the “pink slime” that is found in %70 of Rush Limbaugh. Which is cow parts treated with painkillers.
The European Chess Union is banning cleavage in match play. Apparently it isn’t the boobs that are distracting, but the thousands of married men signing up for chess tournaments.
The NCAA tournament brackets were announced yesterday. Which means that group emails naming everyone willing to gamble on company time, will go unannounced for the next month.
Candidates for the Republican nomination are campaigning in Mississipi and Alabama this week in a fight over traditional Republican strongholds, or as the entire country knows them “the bottom of the barrel”.
The “Kony 2012” campaign kicked off last week, which is a campaign to bring a brutal African warlord to justice. Some are skeptical of the effort because it’s collecting money to accomplish it’s goals, when all you need to stop a warlord is an Evite.
Record setting temperatures are sweeping the country this week. But the jury is still out on global warming. The jury took the afternoon off to enjoy 80 degree weather in march.
The TSA is going to let people over the age of 75 leave their shoes on going through security. But experienced TSA agents worry that the elderly people in their dreams will never put their shoes back on.
Posted by natecraig on Wednesday, March 14th, 2012 at 5:53 pm No Comments »
FRONT PAGE JOKES
The Duke men’s basketball team lost to rival North Carolina this week costing them a share of the ACC conference title. However, in a blowout, the Blue Devils did repeat as world champions of face-paint.
The Indianapolis Colts released Peyton Manning following 4 off-season neck surgeries. Because when your salary is $28 million dollars, what doesn’t kill you makes you a free agent.
After 13 seasons, 9 pro-bowls, 4 MVPs and a Superbowl Championship the Indianapolis Colts released Peyton Manning following 4 off-season neck surgeries. The franchise said it wants to focus on winning the Republican nomination for President.
Newt Gengrich won his home state of Georgia on “Super Tuesday”, or as it’s known in Georgia “Fat Tuesday Observed”.
Vladimir Putin was elected President of Russia with %64 of the vote. Putin said that that number would have been much higher if voters could have voted after they saw how good he is at deciding elections.
Drug addict and deaf talk radio host Rush Limbaugh called women on birth control “whores” this week. Social conservatives blindly accepted his irrational drivel. Liberals condemned the comments as hateful and dangerous. Women reacted with sadness and disgust and Men reacted by continuing to enjoy their girlfriend’s vaginas.
Gas prices are near $4/gallon and republicans are saying that president Obama doesn’t understand how average Americans are being effected because he’s a cultural elite that “walks to work”.
Gas prices are near $4/gallon and republicans are blaming president Obama because when the price of oil goes up its because demand is up, because his economic-strategies-to-improve-the-economy-that-wont-work are working, and he isn’t doing anything about it.
An Egyptian lawmaker was expelled from his party this week for getting a nose job. He said his bandages were from being beaten by “masked gunmen”. Members of his ultraconservative Al Nour party consider plastic surgery a sin, but added that ‘the gunmen’ did really nice work.
Hackers stole the ID information of over 150 NASA employees, and now their personal information could be leaked onto the internet months before they were going to have to start looking for a new job.
In Milwaukee Wisconsin, seeing the sights now may include a $30 walking tour of the south side bars that Jeffery Dahmer used to frequent. Kids get fruit flavored chloroform rags and at the end of the tour everyone gets a piece of jerky shaped like their favorite body part.
Airlines are making overhead compartments bigger, because baggage fees have resulted in more carry-on bags. The new compartments are free, but if you bring a bag on the plane that doesn’t fit in them, your bag gets your seat and you have to stand in the isle with the tall people.
Former All-Star center-fielder Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to 3 years in prison for Grand Theft Auto. Which is a much softer punishment than the last time Lenny did something wrong.
Posted by natecraig on Wednesday, March 7th, 2012 at 4:30 pm No Comments »
